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Determining What Child Custody Arrangements Are Best
In a breakup, determining child custody is often very difficult. A child deserves to be made aware of custody decisions as soon as possible. This should be done with both parents present if possible, so when questions are asked, each parent can participate in the answers and discussion, reinforcing that the custody arrangement was a mutual decision. One of the most difficult experiences for a child is not to know where he or she is going to live. Until a child knows, he or she will feel empty and may feel unwanted. Most of the questions a child will initially have cannot be answered until custody decisions have been decided. Basic unanswered questions -- care, dinner, playmates -- can torment a child.
Strategies and Tactics for Announcing the Custody Arrangements:
- Be clear and concise and very matter-of-fact.
- The older the child the more discussion you should permit.
- Have an open mind and listen when your child is talking.
- Have your answers to the expected questions well thought out.
- Make sure you and the other parent have the same answers.
- If possible, have the non-custodial parent deliver the news to reinforce that it was a mutual decision.
- Emphasize visitation or parenting time.
- Emphasize the benefits and fun of having two homes.
- Always reinforce everything with positive thoughts.
A child should never be put in a position to choose one parent over the other because he or she may not realize his or her own best interests.
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