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Children Going Through Divorce
A child who grew up in a nurturing home will fear being abandoned when a breakup happens. Parents must reassure a child that he or she is not going to be abandoned. Younger children may feel and believe that the parents are actually divorcing them. Parents should explain that a breakup does not mean that either parent is gone or lost. Parents, even when they are separated and/or divorced, are still parents, and everyone involved must know this. A parent is a parent even when no longer married to his or her partner.
Children are always aware of what is going on in the home, and they are generally aware that they have no control over the breakup. Some children at this age may blame one parent for the separation, and it is crucial that both parents explain to the child that the blame is not on either parent. Parents should maintain a regular schedule because predictability is healthy for the child.
At this stage, a child may believe parents are getting back together, and he or she feels rejected by the parent who left the house. A child may become nostalgic about what was even if he or she feels insecure and worried about the future. He or she may want to play hooky from school. Against this, parents should try to get the child to open up. A parent must reassure a child of his or her safety and security and respect the child's privacy. Parents and children should talk about things of mutual interest beyond the problems at hand.
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