Children Being Used as an Ally or Spy A child should never be enlisted as an ally. Parents who do so are often seeking revenge. No matter how bad the situation may be, every parent must refrain from using a child as a teammate against the other parent. In choosing sides, parents make many mistakes, including asking whom the child loves more, or whom he or she would rather live with, or if he or she agrees with them, or where he or she wants to spend the holiday. Nor should a child be asked to spy on the other parent. Sometimes questions are unavoidable and absolutely necessary, for example, asking about a weekend visit and what transpired. But questions should not be used as an opportunity to secretly find things out about the other parent. Spying makes the child feel like he or she is betraying the other parent. Parents also have a tendency to read into the answers a child might give, which can make the child feel as though he or she is being misinterpreted. Table of Contents

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