Separated parents should not have secrets that are not to be told to the other parent. Secrets can put a child in a tense and vulnerable position. Many children who carry these types of secrets fear the day that they may be asked a compromising question.
If a child is questioned regarding a secret, he or she will realize fast that it is a no-win situation. There are two choices -- be dishonest to the other parent or reveal the secret information. In this, one parent will be betrayed and this is difficult because a child loves both parents. Such no-win situations must be avoided.
Secrets do not necessarily have to be declared a "secret" to carry the same harmful characteristics. For example, a father says to his child, "I am going to be finding out on Monday if I am being laid off of my job, but do not tell your mother." As soon as the child is unable to tell his or her mother, it becomes a secret.
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