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Making a New Home After Divorce or Separation
If possible, a child should not be moved as a result of a the divorce and/or separation. This is not always possible. Many custodial parents move out of the marital home with the child because of the breakup. This typically happens for one or a combination of three reasons: one, the custodial parent decides to move back to his or her hometown with the child; two, reduced finances make the marital home no longer possible; and three, the non-custodial parent is very stubborn and refuses to leave.
No matter what the reason may be, however, moving a child, especially far enough so that he or she has to change schools and miss friends and relatives, means added anxiety, stress, and overall emotional trauma. Most psychologists, taking all issues into consideration, would probably encourage a custodial parent not to move from the marital home unless absolutely necessary. If the custodial parent can remain in the marital home with the child, the child will be much happier and feel much more secure.
Strategies and Tactics to Help a Child Adjust to a New Home:
- Try to move into a new home that is not far away. This will potentially allow your child to go to the same school and see the same friends.
- Give your child enough notice to say good-bye to friends and relatives. Do not surprise your child because he or she may not be as happy or excited as you expect.
- Brainstorm and write down all the positive attributes about the move and the new home. Constantly remind your child of these positives.
- Do everything you can to help your child keep in touch with the friends and/or relatives he or she may be leaving behind.
- When you arrive at your new home, drive your child around the neighborhood. This will allow your child to become familiar with all the new things he or she can do. It can also bring out the similarities of the neighborhood you left, which provides a sense of security.
- If your child is of the appropriate age, allow him or her to set up the new bedroom. If you notice that the set-up resembles the bedroom at the old home, do not be alarmed. It is just a sign that your child is making himself or herself feel comfortable.
- Try to maintain the same type of routines and rituals in the new home.
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