Unrealistic expectations about parental reunification must be straightened out with a very matter-of-fact conversation because a child who harbors these hopes will have trouble moving forward. The explanation should get right to the point, clear and without hesitation.
Children with these types of expectations live in denial. When reality hits home, a parent sees the real damage of a breakup. If a child seems to be taking the divorce and/or separation very lightly, then more than likely he or she is holding onto these unrealistic expectations.
Unrealistic expectations of other things can be just as harmful. For example, a child may be under the impression that his or her parents will never date again or that he or she does not have to change schools.
Strategies and Tactics for Unrealistic Expectations:
- Be careful how you use the word "maybe." Of course anything can happen, but you have to be candid about the possibilities.
- When you spoil the unrealistic expectations, as always, reinforce the love you and the other parent have for your child.
- Stay away from deep conversation or explanation of why things are the way they are. You will end up confusing the child or giving him or her the opportunity to be more judgmental.
- Reinforce that certain things are meant to be and that moving on is going to make things better.
- Make the other parent aware of any unrealistic expectations you discover and/or have addressed.
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