Good communication between parted parents makes the separation and/or divorce experience a thousand times easier on a child. Everyone involved, parents and children, will be happier because good communication eliminates stress and creates trust and respect.
Strategies and Tactics for Good Communication Skills:
- Address one issue at a time.
- Try to avoid making assumptions.
- Be sure to listen, analyze and then respond.
- Each problem or issue should have a remedy or solution.
- Do not be afraid to say, "I do not know."
- Do not hesitate to admit you are wrong.
- Do not hesitate to say "I am sorry."
Good communication between parents should extend beyond breakup and include keeping each other informed about their child. In most circumstances, one parent will be estranged by distance, and it is important that the estranged parent remains in touch as much as possible with the everyday activities of the child. Separated parents should communicate information about school, relatives, friends, achievements, favorite toys, routines, likes/dislikes, favorite meals, favorite television programs.
Most parents realize that they want what is best for their child. Formerly married parents think of the relationship with the other parent as a business partnership where each works to reach a mutual goal. Partners need not always think highly of each other, but they work toward a common goal -- the best interests of the child.
Parents should not argue in front of children. This behavior can cause psychological harm that may be irreversible. This includes all arguments, phone arguments, nasty remarks, poking fun at one another. Verbal conflict may cause a child to have feelings of frustration, aggression, anxiety, depression, isolation, and a lack of self-esteem.
A child loves both parents. To see them battling towards one another makes a child extremely uncomfortable. At such times a child feels insecure because he or she is not sure what is right or wrong. Children can also assume that they are expected to pick a side, which creates separation. The golden rule to remember is: "Children should never be put in a position to take sides."
Moreover, consistent conflict between parents may make a child think he or she is the cause of the breakup.
Conflict can be reduced in simple ways. For example, telephone calls can be made on a routine, scheduled basis, and visitation exchanges planned for a public place.
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